i fucking hate how nervous people make me like i can’t even walk down the road without feeling judged and that is just ridiculous 

(Source: slutwhat, via trust)

Hey, son! May I ask you a question?

amortizing:

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves…

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